It is better to give

I came across these verses this morning as I was reading in Proverbs 11:

24 One man gives freely, yet gains even more;

another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty

25 A generous man will prosper;

he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.

These verses jumped out at me because we had just been discussing generosity and giving FREELY with our kids. Yesterday we had a chance (through Missio and Interfaith Works) to bring gifts to a refugee family from Burma. The kids are pretty good at being generous, and they were excited to meet the kids we bought gifts for. We knew that this family had next to nothing, and we never expected anything in return for the few small gifts that we brought...

The family we visited has been in America for 3 months. There teenage daughter spoke the most English, and even that wasn't much. But they invited us into their home and gave us their couch (while they all sat on the floor). The kids had such big smiles on their faces as we handed them the gift bags. And the mother was beaming.

The mother motioned for us to take our coats off. Then she said something about rice and ran to the other room. She came back and started handing out shirts to all of us. "Kopi shirt" "Kopi, Christmas, shirt" When we put the shirts on, she decided some of us needed different sizes and settled on a bag for Cadence since all the shirts were far too big for her.

Once she was satisfied with the shirt situation, the mother said something to her daughter and ran out again. This time she returned with a bowl full of food and two spoons. ?? Being an American, I wasn't quite sure what to make of this - but of course she motions for me to sit on the floor and hands me the dish. The light was broken in there living room and it was getting dark outside. I couldn't have identified what I was about to eat if I wanted to. And I wasn't sure I wanted to... if you know me at all you know I am a super picky eater.

Grinning and nodding all the while I grabbed a spoonful of what almost looked like bugs and took a big, smiling bite. I was kind of holding my breath while I chewed in hopes that I wouldn't gag. It was crunchy - really crunchy. I noticed it didn't taste too bad! It turned out to be some kind of nuts with some spices or something. It was really very good, and I was so grateful for that. I proceeded to pass the bowl around to my family and everyone but Cadence had a little.

As we were leaving, the mother kept hugging me and telling me "You make children very happy" "You come back here" "You are family now" "Thank you". It must have been nearly all the English she knew. I wish I had thought to bring the camera with us, but we didn't know how the outing would go. We were told these families normally won't open the door for anyone so we half expected to hand them the presents at the door and then leave. But I did get some pics of us in our gifts when we got home.

It's too bad you can't really see Todd's jacket behind the kids. He is planning on wearing it to church Christmas Eve, so maybe I'll get a better picture of it then.

Accidentally Wonderful

This week we went down to spend some time with Todd's family. While we were there, we were lucky to be able to slip away for a night without the kids. We started our date by checking in to our hotel. Our original plan had been to stay at a bed and breakfast, but all the cheap rooms were gone... The hotel we picked had great reviews online, but the first thing we noticed was that there was a lamp missing - just the lampshade remained sitting on the floor. When Todd got the lights on I saw that there were 3 or 4 cigarette holes on the bed spread. I was starting to worry that this wouldn't be such a hot date.


We didn't really have a plan once we got into Charleston, and Todd kept saying "Just trust me." I don't know exactly why, but when he says those words it makes me want to turn tale and run! We walked around the historic district looking for a place to eat. Nothing really looked that good. We were accosted by Chris from the "Vacation Station" who wanted us to come to his sales pitch. The sun was setting and it was getting cold. I was wondering if trusting Todd was really such a good idea.

Then we stumbled upon Jestine's Kitchen. It looked charming, so we decided to give it a try. I think it is fair to say we were both a little apprehensive.




Todd ordered the fresh catch of the day and I ordered some fried chicken. The service was great, the food was great, and we loved the atmosphere. I thought that the desert was worthy of a picture. We felt more than a little silly busting out our camera to take pictures of pie, and were trying to be discrete about it. But the ladies behind us noticed, and then they took out a camera to snap pictures of the fried green tomatoes. It was very good. Todd was quite pleased with himself.

We finished our meal and came to the realization that it was dark (and cold) and most of the historic district was closed up but we still had time to kill. We didn't want to go bowling or catch a movie, since those are things that we can do anytime at home. But we couldn't really think of anything better to do. We headed back toward the hotel, and missed a turn. With the one way streets and us not knowing the area, we ended up more than a little off coarse and not exactly sure how to get turned around.

Todd pulled off to let an aggravated driver pass, and we saw that we were on S Battery Street. Todd's face lit up when he remembered his dad telling him that Rainbow Row was located in the part of town called the battery. We had been hoping for chance to check out this well known strip of houses. We parked the car and walked around. We walked a long time, down several different streets. It was beautiful and somewhat intimate (there was hardly anyone else around) but we weren't finding what we were looking for. Just when we were ready to call it quits, we found Rainbow Row. Since it was night time, the pictures didn't really come out well...

At the end of the night, Todd asked "Why can't you just trust me? Wasn't that a great date?" And I conceded, it was wonderful. Accidentally wonderful. I love you, Todd ;)

The Bible and Harry Potter...

are two of the books that I am currently reading. The other day I came across this passage in Luke that I don't ever remember hearing until this fall...
"Suppose one of you has a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Would he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, 'Come along now and sit down to eat?' Would he not rather say, 'Prepare me my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink'? Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.' " Luke 17:7-10

Jesus is telling his followers that service to him should not be done in hope of gaining status or reward. It is simply our duty to serve him. This parallels something that I have heard Jordan say over and over. "God is deserving of our worship because of WHO HE IS, not what he has done for us..." I have been challenged by that thought, as one who previously ascribed worth God primarily as savior (of myself and the world). We are to serve him because is the boss. We are to worship him because he is holy, perfect, true and just. God does not have to give us anything in return for our service to him. I think we forget that sometimes, at least I do.

But what has Harry Potter got to do with it? I'm glad you asked! I am nearing the end of the final book in the series, and Dumbledore says something to Harry that struck a chord in me...
"Perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it. Those who , like you, have leadership thrust upon them, and take up the mantle because they must, and find to their own surprise that they wear it well."

It made me think back to the passage in Luke. The best leaders are the ones who aren't looking to gain anything from it. Because if you think you have something to gain, you will lead selfishly.

So, that is where I am at. Trying to learn to have the heart of an unworthy servant. That means I have to be content in every situation, even I can't seem to see any gain for myself in it. Sometimes, that really stinks!

Red Letters

I am about half way through my second reading of Red Letters by Tom Davis - I'm reading it to Todd this time. We read a chapter here and there, and then discuss it. This book has really made me stop and think. While Davis' main focus is on the AIDS crisis in Africa, he speaks generally of suffering, poverty and injustice around the world. I have been challenged to look for ways to really "live a faith that bleeds".

One point that really struck me as I read and re-read it was the way in which the early church responded to the needy. I know I have read other things about how the early church was known for caring for the sick and needy when no one else would, but Davis quotes some documents written to instruct the early church. " Didache (perhaps written around 100 CE), instructed Christians to 'Give to everyone who asks thee, do not refuse'."

Especially since my husband works with the local homeless population, I would (and do) undoubtedly refuse to help the guy on the corner with the sign. Because I know that if he wants a place to sleep and three square meals a day he can walk over to the Rescue Mission. I know he won't go to the Mission because he is supporting an addiction that he doesn't want to give up. If I give to him, I am feeding his addiction. But the heart of the early church was to give "without asking doubtfully"! And how did Jesus respond to people? Matthew 9:36 (NIV)says

• When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.

Remembering that there is nothing new under the sun, I have to assume that some of the people Jesus was having compassion on were, like the addict on the corner of Hiawatha Blvd.., perpetuating their own troubles. But he didn't judge or worry about enabling them. He had compassion.

One other place that Davis takes Jesus words and uses them to cut through indifference of my heart is when he examines Matthew 25:41-45... It is a familiar passage to many - Jesus is telling his followers how one day he will separate the sheep from the goats. The sheep go to heaven and the goats roast in hell. And what is it that determines who goes where? The people who "asked Jesus in their hearts" get to go to heaven, right? I mean, that was the core of what I was always taught. Say the magic prayer to get into heaven. As I grew in my faith and understanding, I came to understand that far beyond the magic prayer one must live a life that bears fruit consistent with following Christ (patience, goodness, self control, etc). But even this is not the determining factor according to Jesus.

The litmus test, according to Jesus, is this: Did you feed the hungry? Give a drink to the thirsty? Offer a bed to the homeless? Clothe those who were cold? Visit the prisoners? Davis asks "What if a life of faith is all about what Jesus was saying here?...If this is true, then those heavenly transcripts that list what we did for the poor, the needy, and the suffering will show evidence of whether or not our Bible study, our discipleship groups, our quiet times, and our pew-sitting actually moved the short distance from our head down into our heart."

For most Christians in America, that thought must be terrifying. I know it is for me. We cling to excuses like "I don't have the time to volunteer, I don't have the money to give, I don't want to expose my family to those things...." But, what if that is it? We busy ourselves with church programs, filling our heads with Christianese while using our busyness as an excuse to ignore that which Christ has commanded us to do. We can afford flat screen TVs, gas guzzling SUVs, houses that are too big for us, and lots of fast food, but we can't afford to give to those in need.

Davis points to this quote from Richard Rohr's book From Wild Man to Wise Man: "It is the risk of 'acting' like Jesus acted that reconfigures your soul. We are converted by new circumstances much more than by new ideas... we do not think ourselves into new ways of living we live ourselves into new ways of thinking." (emphasis added) So Todd and I have been asking... "How can we live ourselves into new ways of thinking?"

Totally Random!???

I wrote the Superman Peanut Butter post about 2 weeks ago. I was mad that it wasn't showing up on my blog...but I was tired and I wasn't going to put too much effort into a post about Superman Peanut Butter. And then, randomly, it appeared. Weird, huh?

I have vacation stuff to post as we have recently returned from the Ranch. Maybe I will get to that tomorrow...maybe.

So Much to Say

Things have been hectic around here for the last couple of weeks (hence the lack of posts!). Last weekend was the homeschool convention, which Todd and I attended because we will be homeschooling again in the fall. There are lots of reasons that we have decided to bring Jake back home (and keep Gabe home). We have talked about developing a "mission statement" for why we homeschool, but that hasn't been done yet.


We subsribe to the idea of strength based living and believe that everyone learns differently and has different interests. Therefore, a boxed education is the very best that we can offer our children. No one knows their strengths and weaknesses like we do. It is our mission to train up each of our children "in the way he should go" which is a reference to the unique natural bent of each child. Then of course there are issues of morality and world view, which allthough not our primary reason for homeschooling, do play a part in our decision to educate at home.


That being said, the convention was a pretty good time. It renewed our passion and we came away with some great new ideas and vision. There was a woman there doing sessions on homschooling and special education which I found incredibly interesting! Her name is Cyndi Ringoen, and she is a Neurodevelopmentalist. She is of the school of thought that labeling and druging people with learning differences/problems does solve anything, it just makes drug companies rich. At one point in the lecture, she talked about kids who have underdeveloped deep pressure sensitivity - they tend to have bladder control problems, they overstuff their mouths and overeat, they seek out sensory stimulation by touching, grabbing, stepping on things all the time...It was amazing - I wanted to stand up and say "You just described my son!"

She suggested a massage technique to help the brain better recognize deep pressure touch, which if done frequently and regularly will cause the brain to make new connections. She also offers consulting services to families to help them find ways to educate and assist their children. I am going to try the massaging for a while, and if it doesn't help considerably, I'm thinking about scheduling a consult. The organization that she is associated with does have a website www.ican-do.net


One reccurring theme that we heard was that of mercy. Mark Hamby pointed out in one of his sessions that in the Bible, the ratio of God's mercy to God's judgment is somthing like 3 to 1. But we as parents tend to extend judgement to our children more than mercy. The idea of first time obedience is important to instill in toddlers, but as our children grow older we should begin to practice mercy a little more frequently. This goes hand in hand with the idea of letting them fail while they are in a safe place. One quote that has been stuck in my head since the convention is "Sucsess is failure upon failure with great enthusiasim."


The last big thing about the homeschool convention stirs up a whole array of emotions in me... Lew Sterret of Miracle Mountain Ranch (www.sermononthemount.org) was one of the keynote speakers. My sister and brother-in-law have been exploring moving there to go on staff for several months now. Just before the convention, they went to the ranch for a weeklong, working interview. And while we were at the convention, Lew let them know that everything was looking good and "I'll see you in August". It is about a four hour drive, and we are going to miss them like crazy. Things are still not completely in stone since they have to raise support (it is kind of like being a missionary), but I think it is probably where they belong. (The ranch has great summer camp programs too if you know anyone who is looking for one).


And in other news, my mother got married this weekend - and yes he is REALLY old! This picture is my sister, my mother, Nate (the new husband) and Joe (my new brother in law).

Jacob was the ringerbearer, and my niece Rebecca was the flowergirl. My oldest niece, Nicole played the piano as people were coming into the church and she did an awesome job! She has been playing for about 2 years - I taught her until I couldn't sightread her music anymore, and now she has moved on to another teacher. (I haven't read any music since I left Oswego in 2000). Is it just me, or is this picture adorable? Jake and Beccca are only 14 months apart and are sometimes more like brother and sister than cousins.

Aren't they adorable????

I wasn't in the wedding, but I got to light the unity candle with Nate's daughter. (Since when you marry someone who is 84 they don't have parents to light the candle!) Here is my mom pinning the flower on me and trying not to poke me in the boob with the pin!

Gabriel and Cadence had a great time on the dance floor.

And one last picture - I guess no one can ever get a good picture of my grandparents, so my mom was really excited to see that I got a couple of good ones.

I've got talent

Since I left school in January, I have been giving a lot of thought to my place in the world. Obviously my primary position is that of domestic goddess - that is why I left school. But there is always a nagging "there has to be more" kind of feeling somewhere in the back of my head. Part of that is my need for mental stimulation on some level other than Sesame Street, but another part is knowing that motherhood is only for season and wondering what else is in store for me.

So I have been reading a lot. I spent about a month studying Roman life in the first century. I memorized the first chapter of Ephesians (I intend to eventually memorize the entire book). Right now I'm reading a New Testament Survey book that I borrowed from a friend who is in seminary. But I have also been looking for ways that I can get involved in something outside the house - to be able to make an impact on something, somewhere without interfering with family life.

Before I went back to school I had looked into volunteering at a crisis pregnancy center, but dropped that idea to pursue a new degree. Out of the blue, someone called me from the center a few weeks ago - wanting to know if I was still interested in helping. The funny part is, she thought the note to call me was a few weeks old but it was dated April 2006 not April 2007. I thought that this might be just the thing for me right now, so I agreed to go in and learn the ropes.

The place is called New Hope. They offer counseling and abortion alternatives. You can check them out here http://www.newhopefamilyservices.com/ For girls who chose to keep their babies they offer physical support with things like cribs, diapers and clothes. The job I volunteered for involves sorting out donations and keeping the "Care Corner" organized. They have a good sized room that is overflowing with baby clothes - boxes, bags, and piles of clothes all over the place. It is pretty overwhelming when you walk in there (there really isn't much room to walk). So after an orientation, I spent about an hour sorting clothes - some needed to be laundered, some needed to be thrown away, and the rest needed to be sorted by size, gender, and season.

The woman who was training me kept saying "Wow, you've really got a head for this!" And after observing the way a few other people worked in there I realized that this is not apparently a job that anybody can do. So this week I discovered that I have a talent for sorting clothes. Who knew? And wouldn't you think that a person with such talents would have a clean house? But alas, this is not the case!

Daniel 6:27

"He rescues and he saves; he performs signs and wonders in the heavens and on the earth. He has rescued Daniel from the power of the lions." Daniel 6:27, NIV

That verse was brought to my mind a few weeks ago in church, to share with our congregation as I knew there were a lot of people going through hard things. At the time, I didn't need any signs or wonders....

Last night I spoke with Jacob's father, and lets just say that the conversation didn't go well! Among other things, he informed me that he was filing papers to get him for 2 nights every other weekend (he currently gets him for 24 hours every other weekend). Now, for those of you who don't know - David is not a bad guy. He really does care about Jacob, and he doesn't engage in any kind of behavior that would give me grounds to say "you are bad for my son". However, he was not a consistent part of Jacob's life until Jake was 5 years old, so Jacob doesn't really like the whole situation. (He has told us on many occasions that he wishes "Daddy" could adopt him, so he didn't have to go with Dave every other weekend. But Dave will not sign off on Jacob.)

I explained to David why I didn't think that was best for Jacob (just like I always do), and asked him to consider it from Jacob's perspective. Yes, the whole situation stinks and as adults both Dave and I are dealing with consequences of a decision we made, but it is WRONG to allow those consequences to fall on Jacob's shoulders. Todd and I have been noticing that Jacob's "abnormal" behaviors peak in the few days after a weekend with Dave, and are nearly gone about a week after he has seen Dave. But Dave was adamant that Jacob needs to be his family more and he was going to file the papers and he didn't care if I got a lawyer.

So, I was pretty angry when I hung up the phone. Angry that my son was being put in a position that is not good for him. Angry that this "father" cares more for his own feelings than his son's. Angry that this man who has frequently lied to me (and never been lied to by me) refuses to take me at my word where our son's well being is involved.

As you can guess, I found it hard to sleep with all of this weighing so heavily on my heart. While I was laying there feeling helpless and frustrated, I started to talk to God about it. Really, I started to plead with God to intercede on my son's behalf - to fight for Jacob where I cannot. I discussed with God the battle that has waged in my mind over how free will and God's intervention relate to each other. (I understand that sin and suffering are results of free will, and I believe that God is able to intervene in any given situation, but if he was always stepping in, then how free is our free will?) And as I poured my heart out to the Father, he brought Daniel 6:27 back to my mind. I was able to confidently look at other people's problems and tell them that God will accomplish that which he has begun, and then it occurred to me that God is able, and yes - even willing to work miracles for me.

This afternoon, Dave called again. It was like talking to a completely different person. He said he kept thinking about it, and he really wants what is best for Jacob. He does want to hear it from Jacob's own mouth, but he is willing to consider that always pushing for more might not be best. I suggested that we sit down with a counselor to mediate, and let Jacob meet with the counselor separately, and he said that was a good idea. We may be able to see resolution with out taking it to court!!!!

So please pray that God's will may be done and that Jacob will be protected through all of this. My own prayer is that Dave will sign Jacob over to Todd and allow Jacob to decide when he wants to go see David - we would never stand in the way of it if it was what Jacob wanted to do.

Earth Day

No, I'm not a tree hugger...I just thought that Earth Day was a good excuse to post these pictures of Jacob, Gabriel and Cadence enjoying the beautiful spring weather. Todd kept telling me the picture of all 3 kids wasn't any good (you can't see Gabe's face). But watching my boys love on their sister gives me warm fuzzy feelings. It brings to mind the scripture "How good, oh how pleasant it is, for brothers to dwell together in unity." As a parent, you love your kids no matter what - but there is a extra pleasure derived from watching them all get along and love each other. And the moments of harmony somehow overshadow the times of chaos when they are all yelling at each other. I am repeatedly amazed at how having children has given me insights into the heart of the Father....

The Story of Stupid

I need to vent... Last August, Jacob's biological father quit his job (he told me it was just a six week leave) - in order to do some work under the table and without paying child support - so that he could accumulate the money he needed to pay some fines and get his driver's license back. It was 5 years ago that I discovered he had no license, because Child Support tried to take it, but found that it had already been revoked. During that time, he left the state since he kept getting pulled over in New York.

A few years later, he returned and continued to drive without a license until he got pulled over a few more times. Then he agreed with me that it was not a very Christian thing to do to knowingly drive without a license. So his wife became chauffeur. Then, he moved an hour away from his job, when he had been living about 5 min. from work. So, of course, it seemed very logical ( in his mind) to quit the job when he did. It was just a few months before he quit his job that he finally got caught up on support. He swore when he "took a leave" that paying support would be his first priority, he didn't want to get in that big hole again...

Six weeks came and went, he wasn't ready to go back to that good job he had. Six months later he was finally looking for work, but its hard for a contractor to find a job in New York in the middle of winter. No worries, he said, his old job said they would gladly take him back (or so he thought). When he called them, they didn't really have any work for him at the time. But he had finally managed to get his license back. Now, he would send in a payment or two every couple months, but nothing at all after Christmas.

When you are delinquent on child support for 4 months in New York State, they automatically suspend your license! I already knew this since I talk to the Child Support people all the time "Have you gotten any money from him?" "Has he notified you of an employer?" "Why doesn't the employer send the money every week like they should?" But dips?@t didn't have a clue....So at the end of Feb. a notice was sent to him saying "pay what you owe in full or your driver's license will be suspended. He says he didn't get it, but if it is true "I won't have a job" he says. Because his grace period is gone, and as of last week his license was suspended.

He has offered to look into the matter, and come on Saturday with a current abstract of his driver's license. But I'm willing to bet the the Abstract will not be current enough, or he will forget. Maybe his wife will be driving, but what do I do when the unlicensed idiot shows up to take my son? Would you let your kid ride with an unlicensed driver? I'm thinking I will have to call the PoPos and let them explain to the moron what "suspended license" means, but I really don't want to have to go there, so pray for me....

Anyway, it really is pretty stinking funny to me that he quit a job (and quit paying support) so he could get his license back. He got his license back about a month ago and now he lost it for not paying support. Oh yeah, and he pulled into my driveway with a new (used I am sure, but new to him - second vehicle for their family) truck yesterday. He had the money to pay off the back support and bought a new truck instead. RETARD!

Potty Time!

*****This post was written about two weeks ago, but I was having camera trouble, so I didn't post it until I was able to get the pictures uploaded****

Well, we finally decided to buckle down and do it...we are intensivly potty training Cadence (she will be 2 in April). We are two days in and it is going better than I expected so far. However, potty training requires mother and child to remain in close proximity to a potty at all times, which means I am going stir crazy! We put some underwear on her (she is particularly fond of Spiderman) and set the timer - right now we are going about 45 min. between trips to the potty. I miss the YMCA! I think I will go for a jog around the ghetto when Todd gets home tonight.

You may be thinking "Solvay isn't ghetto", but your wrong! Last weekend, a guy a few blocks from here shot his wife and baracaded himself in the house. Our phone rang at 6:00 am Sunday (we were getting up to get ready for church anyways) and it was a reverse 911 recording telling us "Please do not go in or out of your house and stay away from the windows". So what did we do? We ran the kids out to the van and left for church hoping to stay away until the issue was resolved. They ended up having to shoot the guy, and we could hear the gunfire from our house. Then on Thursday we tried to go to the ATM down the street, but couldn't, because the credit union was all blocked off and surrounded by cops. I'm guessing that it had been robbed. So, yes, Solvay is really kind of ghetto.

In other news, Gabriel (just turned 3) is reading. He is catching on so fast it scares me! The story in today's lesson was "Sam is mad at me", and he read it without trouble. I didn't want to teach him to read until Cadence was old enough to learn too, but I just couldn't hold him back any longer. He learned to count and recognize numbers without any help from us, and he was beginning to pick up letter names. Knowing that letter sounds are more important than letter names to a young reader, I set about to teach him correctly...and he just kept wanting more. I didn't really expect him to be able to do it when I pulled out the reading book ("Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons), but he almost seems bored by it sometimes.

Right now I'm reading "Living your Strengths". I'm almost done with it actually. I was interested in taking the Strengths Finder test, hoping that it would help me in my quest for "purpose". My top 5 strengths (according to this test) are: Learner, Responsibility, Context, Restorative, and Competition. So far, I have been able to see the value in recognizing what my strengths are - understanding the positives and negatives of those strenghts - and utilizing my strengths in various aspects of my life while working around my weaknesses.

First Blog

Here is my first real venture into the world of blogging. I created a My Space page a few months ago (at the insistence of a friend), and posted a few things there. However, this forum seems a little more "grown up" than My Space. As I sit here talking about being grown up, I am listening to the "Song of Cebu" by the Veggie Tales - that just struck me as funny.

I decided to call it "Finding Kelly" because I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about who I have been, who I am, and who I am becoming. More than finding myself, I really want to discover who God has made me to be. I know some things that I am good at, and I am painfully aware of my weaknesses, but I think that is only the beginning. I'm reading "Captivating" by John & Stassi Eldredge, and that has started to awaken things in my soul that have been buried for many, many years. It has renewed my quest for beauty and redefined what beauty is to me. I used to think I knew exactly what God had "called me to", but now I'm not so sure.

I was recently faced with the question "What is your holy discontentment?" And after some careful thought I said "I don't know!" The idea behind holy discontentment is that whatever you find really upsetting (lack of education, bad music in the church, AIDS, poverty...) may be what God has called you to do something with. For the better part of my life, I would have said that bad music (or lack of understanding worship) was my holy discontentment, but I believe that God is stirring up something new in me. I just don't know what it is yet.