Surprise!!

We arrived in South Carolina Friday Morning to surprise my mother-in-law for Mother's Day. We have been planning the trip for months, and it wasn't easy to stay quiet about it! Todd's sister and brother-in-law live just a few houses away from his parents, so the kids have been having lots of fun playing together.


Yesterday it was my birthday. For reasons that I cannot explain, I tend to be completely unaware of special days like birthdays and anniversaries, even my own. (I have forgotten our anniversary TWICE!) When I got up Saturday morning Todd and the kids were gone - my father-in-law explained to me that they had gone to get donuts for breakfast. I was a little irritated since I had made sure to get cereal for us to eat while we were here, and had explained that to Todd several times...but he likes donuts, so whatever. But when they came home, I saw a bouquet of flowers come out the van and then it occured to me "It's my birthday, they went to do something special for me."


Apparently Todd was planning on getting me some sort of Giants paraphernalia for my birthday, but at 4 AM Saturday it occurred to him that NY football is probably not popular in SC. So he got me some new cookie sheets (I desperately needed them) and a cute candle and the boys insisted on getting me roses (they will make good husbands some day!). He meant to serve me breakfast in bed, so he was not happy that I had gotten up while he was gone, but I didn't really want crumbs in my sheets anyway.


Everyone came over for cake after dinner and the kids had a great time having squirt gun fights. Gabe and his cousin John are only 8 days apart - in the first two pictures you can see Gabe pursuing and defeating John.

Cadence was probably the most aggressive of the group!

Then, out of the bushes came daddy with his big guns. He argues that it was still fair because there were 5 kids and only one of him. Forget about the fact that 4 of those kids are preschoolers and they were all equipped with tiny little dollar store pistols!

Today we went to one of the plantations where we saw gators and all kinds of birds...pictures of that later...oh yeah, happy Mother's Day!

Daniel 6:27

"He rescues and he saves; he performs signs and wonders in the heavens and on the earth. He has rescued Daniel from the power of the lions." Daniel 6:27, NIV

That verse was brought to my mind a few weeks ago in church, to share with our congregation as I knew there were a lot of people going through hard things. At the time, I didn't need any signs or wonders....

Last night I spoke with Jacob's father, and lets just say that the conversation didn't go well! Among other things, he informed me that he was filing papers to get him for 2 nights every other weekend (he currently gets him for 24 hours every other weekend). Now, for those of you who don't know - David is not a bad guy. He really does care about Jacob, and he doesn't engage in any kind of behavior that would give me grounds to say "you are bad for my son". However, he was not a consistent part of Jacob's life until Jake was 5 years old, so Jacob doesn't really like the whole situation. (He has told us on many occasions that he wishes "Daddy" could adopt him, so he didn't have to go with Dave every other weekend. But Dave will not sign off on Jacob.)

I explained to David why I didn't think that was best for Jacob (just like I always do), and asked him to consider it from Jacob's perspective. Yes, the whole situation stinks and as adults both Dave and I are dealing with consequences of a decision we made, but it is WRONG to allow those consequences to fall on Jacob's shoulders. Todd and I have been noticing that Jacob's "abnormal" behaviors peak in the few days after a weekend with Dave, and are nearly gone about a week after he has seen Dave. But Dave was adamant that Jacob needs to be his family more and he was going to file the papers and he didn't care if I got a lawyer.

So, I was pretty angry when I hung up the phone. Angry that my son was being put in a position that is not good for him. Angry that this "father" cares more for his own feelings than his son's. Angry that this man who has frequently lied to me (and never been lied to by me) refuses to take me at my word where our son's well being is involved.

As you can guess, I found it hard to sleep with all of this weighing so heavily on my heart. While I was laying there feeling helpless and frustrated, I started to talk to God about it. Really, I started to plead with God to intercede on my son's behalf - to fight for Jacob where I cannot. I discussed with God the battle that has waged in my mind over how free will and God's intervention relate to each other. (I understand that sin and suffering are results of free will, and I believe that God is able to intervene in any given situation, but if he was always stepping in, then how free is our free will?) And as I poured my heart out to the Father, he brought Daniel 6:27 back to my mind. I was able to confidently look at other people's problems and tell them that God will accomplish that which he has begun, and then it occurred to me that God is able, and yes - even willing to work miracles for me.

This afternoon, Dave called again. It was like talking to a completely different person. He said he kept thinking about it, and he really wants what is best for Jacob. He does want to hear it from Jacob's own mouth, but he is willing to consider that always pushing for more might not be best. I suggested that we sit down with a counselor to mediate, and let Jacob meet with the counselor separately, and he said that was a good idea. We may be able to see resolution with out taking it to court!!!!

So please pray that God's will may be done and that Jacob will be protected through all of this. My own prayer is that Dave will sign Jacob over to Todd and allow Jacob to decide when he wants to go see David - we would never stand in the way of it if it was what Jacob wanted to do.

Earth Day

No, I'm not a tree hugger...I just thought that Earth Day was a good excuse to post these pictures of Jacob, Gabriel and Cadence enjoying the beautiful spring weather. Todd kept telling me the picture of all 3 kids wasn't any good (you can't see Gabe's face). But watching my boys love on their sister gives me warm fuzzy feelings. It brings to mind the scripture "How good, oh how pleasant it is, for brothers to dwell together in unity." As a parent, you love your kids no matter what - but there is a extra pleasure derived from watching them all get along and love each other. And the moments of harmony somehow overshadow the times of chaos when they are all yelling at each other. I am repeatedly amazed at how having children has given me insights into the heart of the Father....

Happy Days

We've recently been celebrating birthdays around here...Jacob, and then 5 days later, Cadence. I was really worried that he would be upset about her birthday being so close to his, but he loves it. He thinks that sharing his party or cake or whatever with her is great. (He is such a good big brother!). Jake was excited that his birthday fell during spring break - that meant breakfast with Grandma and Nate on his birthday. I didn't have a camera with me for any the special things Jake got to do on his birthday, but I did take some pictures when we "celebrated" at Splash Lagoon - we got a cake to celebrate both of their birthdays, and the trip was in place of expensive birthday parties.

When it is somebodies birthday around here, I try to make one of their favorites for dinner. Jacob got Shepherd's Pie. Cadence prefers the taste of rocks and crayons to most of my cooking, so I knew that the only acceptable birthday meal would be pizza. But Todd and Gabriel won't eat pizza (especially homemade). One day when I was bored I tried making boneless buffalo wings, and they were a huge hit, so now they must always go with the pizza. Thankfully, Jacob wants to be a chef and helps in the kitchen every chance he gets. So he does most of the work for the boneless buffalo wings. Her majesty was delighted with her birthday meal...

And today my mom and I took Cadence to Build-A-Bear to spend some of her birthday money. Of course Gabriel was all kinds of upset that he wasn't getting a new animal, but he got over it eventually. The purpose of our trip was actually to find a dress for me to wear to my mother's wedding. My goal was to find a black dress that can double as a funeral dress (her "honey" is 84, and she is 56 - I give him 5 years tops). I did find a black dress, but I think that it is a little too dressy for a funeral.

Anyway, back to Build-A-Bear - Cadence was really cute making her puppy, who she named Spot (at first she kept telling me that his name was Dog). First we had to wait in line (and wait, and wait and wait).

Then, Cadence had to step on the pedal and push the buttons to stuff Spot full of love and all that good stuff.

Then, she had to pick out a heart for Spot. The heart had to be rubbed on her nose and her toes, and warmed in her hands, and spun all around, and finally it needed a kiss.

Once the girl sewed Spot up, Cadence gave him a bath and brushed his fur. We selected a Birthday outfit for him to wear, then brought him home. He is currently napping with Cadence upstairs in her new Strawberry Shortcake bed. I'm sure he will be very happy here with us:)

The Story of Stupid

I need to vent... Last August, Jacob's biological father quit his job (he told me it was just a six week leave) - in order to do some work under the table and without paying child support - so that he could accumulate the money he needed to pay some fines and get his driver's license back. It was 5 years ago that I discovered he had no license, because Child Support tried to take it, but found that it had already been revoked. During that time, he left the state since he kept getting pulled over in New York.

A few years later, he returned and continued to drive without a license until he got pulled over a few more times. Then he agreed with me that it was not a very Christian thing to do to knowingly drive without a license. So his wife became chauffeur. Then, he moved an hour away from his job, when he had been living about 5 min. from work. So, of course, it seemed very logical ( in his mind) to quit the job when he did. It was just a few months before he quit his job that he finally got caught up on support. He swore when he "took a leave" that paying support would be his first priority, he didn't want to get in that big hole again...

Six weeks came and went, he wasn't ready to go back to that good job he had. Six months later he was finally looking for work, but its hard for a contractor to find a job in New York in the middle of winter. No worries, he said, his old job said they would gladly take him back (or so he thought). When he called them, they didn't really have any work for him at the time. But he had finally managed to get his license back. Now, he would send in a payment or two every couple months, but nothing at all after Christmas.

When you are delinquent on child support for 4 months in New York State, they automatically suspend your license! I already knew this since I talk to the Child Support people all the time "Have you gotten any money from him?" "Has he notified you of an employer?" "Why doesn't the employer send the money every week like they should?" But dips?@t didn't have a clue....So at the end of Feb. a notice was sent to him saying "pay what you owe in full or your driver's license will be suspended. He says he didn't get it, but if it is true "I won't have a job" he says. Because his grace period is gone, and as of last week his license was suspended.

He has offered to look into the matter, and come on Saturday with a current abstract of his driver's license. But I'm willing to bet the the Abstract will not be current enough, or he will forget. Maybe his wife will be driving, but what do I do when the unlicensed idiot shows up to take my son? Would you let your kid ride with an unlicensed driver? I'm thinking I will have to call the PoPos and let them explain to the moron what "suspended license" means, but I really don't want to have to go there, so pray for me....

Anyway, it really is pretty stinking funny to me that he quit a job (and quit paying support) so he could get his license back. He got his license back about a month ago and now he lost it for not paying support. Oh yeah, and he pulled into my driveway with a new (used I am sure, but new to him - second vehicle for their family) truck yesterday. He had the money to pay off the back support and bought a new truck instead. RETARD!

April Showers Bring May Flowers...What Does April Snow Bring?

Okay, I know its Syracuse. I know it has snowed on my birthday in the middle of May. But really, I'm sick of winter. Even my kids are sick of winter. They keep saying "We don't want more snow. When will it be warm out?"

This morning I was all ready to take Jacob to school, but turned the radio station to check for school closings just to be safe (I already dropped him off at school once this year when it was closed due to the cold). I couldn't believe the list of closings, and of course our school was on the list. So here we are with a snow day in the middle of April.

Back inside the house where it's warm, Gabriel is continuing to amaze me with his reading. I'm starting to get a little bit nervous. Shaping his mind is a huge responsibility. I got him a preschool workbook at Wal-Mart the other day so he can work a little bit on math concepts and big/little, up/down, and other stuff like that. I also pulled out a book that I used for Jacob in 1st grade - it is a children's encyclopedia that we used for history and geography. Gabriel loves learning about the contents and weather and stuff like that. But I wonder, should he have music lessons or foreign language? He really loves to learn. He begs for reading lessons (when Jacob was at this point in the reading book at age 5 it was a huge chore to get him through a lesson). Now he is accurately identifying 2 digit numbers, and once again no one ever taught him that.

Then there is Jacob...I think I need to get him another appointment with the psychologist. He has been really bad lately about putting things in his mouth, and I swear there is something going on with him other than ADHD. In a lot of ways, Gabriel is more mature emotionally than Jacob. He also drools a lot, and seems to have some sort of sensory issues. But he is a really good kid - he is just hard to take in large doses.

Splash Lagoon

Everyone (including Todd) is down for a nap, so I have some time to myself. I've been thinking a lot lately about a day of rest. I don't think that "Remember the Sabath and keep it holy" refers to setting aside an hour or two to attend church on Sunday morning. I think that the way we were created, we need rest. God meant for us to regularly take time to recharge and spend time relaxing with our families (and maybe friends). In our society, relaxing is almost a lost art...so do we forsake this God given command in order to pursue the God of self? Any thoughts on this are welcome.



All right, enough of my ranting. As promised, here are some pictures from our little trip to Splash Lagoon. We didn't take many pictures because I was worried that the camera would get wet or stolen








One thing that we discovered on this trip is that Jacob DOES NOT like water slides. People who know him tend to be surprised by this fact. You see, Jacob is ADHD with emphasis on the H(yper). He is mister crazy, all over the place, bouncing off walls. He is always playing superheros or fighting the bad guys...he is all boy and then some. So from the time he was very small we all assumed that he would be one of those kids who participates in "thrill-seeking behavior". You know, roller coasters, bridge jumping, fast cars...But oh, no! Wherever there is danger, Jacob will not be!!!! I bribed him to go down one water slide with me (thinking that once he did it he would realize how fun it is and want to do it over and over again - like me). It was a tube ride, and we went in a double tube. When we got to the bottom he said "I don't ever want to do that again. I felt like I was going to throw up." Both of little kids loved going down the big slides, but Jake was more than happy to just play in the pool. And I thought it a little odd, but he also liked playing in the little area where they had water squirting out of the ground, which you can see in the picture.

They had one wading pool with kiddie slides, which is where I spent most of my time. Gabriel would only go down these slides with Todd, and even then, there were other things he would rather do than go down a slide. But then there is Cadence. My family all call her "Kelly junior". She insisted on going down by herself, and I would stand at the bottom to catch her. The second I set her down, she would run (usually laughing) right back up the stairs to the top of the slide. Then she would stand there and yell at all the other kids "MY SLIDE, MY SLIDE" and give them various directions as she emphatically pointed her finger and waved her arm. I wish we had video of it...But then eventually, some older kid would help her get situated at the top of the slide and down she came.







So I guess if I ever want anyone to go bungee jumping or skydiving with, it will be my daughter. Yes, God must have a sense of humor. I wanted all boys, because I thought that my boys and I could have a lot of fun together - I love sports, I like to fix things, and of course the faster and more dangerous the better (although children have mellowed me a great deal, I do still enjoy things like crazy roller coasters). I didn't think that I could handle a daughter, but now that I have her I am very grateful for her. God knew just what I needed.

It was really a great little getaway. We had a lot of fun together just relaxing. There was no agenda to follow, no place that we had to get to at a certain time. We really enjoyed each other. Sometimes vacations can be full of stress - you get so caught up in wanting everyone to have a good time that you forget to relax. My goal is to make every vacation like this one!

Easter Surprise

Todd and I had been dying to get away, so we started looking into places we could go for a weekend...The problem we kept running into is this: It is cold in the New York/Pennsylvania until at least May, so anything that it is an outdoor activity doesn't open until after Memorial Day (unless you want to go skiing) and there really isn't much to do inside that would appeal to the whole family. We thought of Splash Lagoon, an indoor water park in Erie, PA, but knew that was more than we really wanted to spend. But we were getting desperate, so we took a look at the website. We discovered that they were running a special, making it more in our price range, but the only weekend that the special and our calender lined up was Easter.


We decided to surprise the kids with a trip to Splash Lagoon for Easter. I got everything all packed while Jacob was at his sperm donor's (or father, if you want to call him that) house. Then, Sunday morning we did the Easter thing - baskets, Easter story, egg hunt.



Each of the kids got something besides candy in their basket (in part because they didn't get much candy). Jacob was really excited about the Buzz Lightyear sweatshirt that he got. I think that Cadence's favorite part was the baskets themselves, and as you can see, Gabriel was excited about the Peeps (yuck).


Yes, we did an egg hunt in the snow. It was a short one! If you look carefully, you can see the snowflakes coming down in the picture.








The egg hunt led the kids into the van, where I told them to sit down and buckle up. Jacob figured out that we were going on a trip because he saw the suitcase in the back of the van, but he thought we were going camping. (Funny side note, every time we go camping, the weather is horrible, and when our neighbor noticed that our van was gone she said "They must be camping, it always snows when they go camping") And then we stopped at Dunkin Donuts for breakfast on the go. Cadence enjoyed it....


It was a four hour drive, and the thing we were most worried about was Little Miss Potty Trained. She has been doing great, but would we have to stop every hour? Would she not give us enough notice when she had to go? Should we just put a diaper on her to be safe? Well, no worries! She was great! She didn't have any accidents the whole vacation, and when we told her to hold for a little while, she did.

About two hours into the drive, Gabriel realized that we weren't going to church. This upset him because he loves his schedules. He's getting the hang of the days of the week in order, and he knows that certain things happen certain days. Saturday and Sunday "Daddy has no work", Thursday is grocery shopping, Tuesday is small group, Sunday is church. So he couldn't understand why it was Sunday and we were not going to church. Todd explained to him that we were having a special family time, and he eventually got over it.

Stay tuned for pictures of Splash Lagoon.

Potty Time!

*****This post was written about two weeks ago, but I was having camera trouble, so I didn't post it until I was able to get the pictures uploaded****

Well, we finally decided to buckle down and do it...we are intensivly potty training Cadence (she will be 2 in April). We are two days in and it is going better than I expected so far. However, potty training requires mother and child to remain in close proximity to a potty at all times, which means I am going stir crazy! We put some underwear on her (she is particularly fond of Spiderman) and set the timer - right now we are going about 45 min. between trips to the potty. I miss the YMCA! I think I will go for a jog around the ghetto when Todd gets home tonight.

You may be thinking "Solvay isn't ghetto", but your wrong! Last weekend, a guy a few blocks from here shot his wife and baracaded himself in the house. Our phone rang at 6:00 am Sunday (we were getting up to get ready for church anyways) and it was a reverse 911 recording telling us "Please do not go in or out of your house and stay away from the windows". So what did we do? We ran the kids out to the van and left for church hoping to stay away until the issue was resolved. They ended up having to shoot the guy, and we could hear the gunfire from our house. Then on Thursday we tried to go to the ATM down the street, but couldn't, because the credit union was all blocked off and surrounded by cops. I'm guessing that it had been robbed. So, yes, Solvay is really kind of ghetto.

In other news, Gabriel (just turned 3) is reading. He is catching on so fast it scares me! The story in today's lesson was "Sam is mad at me", and he read it without trouble. I didn't want to teach him to read until Cadence was old enough to learn too, but I just couldn't hold him back any longer. He learned to count and recognize numbers without any help from us, and he was beginning to pick up letter names. Knowing that letter sounds are more important than letter names to a young reader, I set about to teach him correctly...and he just kept wanting more. I didn't really expect him to be able to do it when I pulled out the reading book ("Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons), but he almost seems bored by it sometimes.

Right now I'm reading "Living your Strengths". I'm almost done with it actually. I was interested in taking the Strengths Finder test, hoping that it would help me in my quest for "purpose". My top 5 strengths (according to this test) are: Learner, Responsibility, Context, Restorative, and Competition. So far, I have been able to see the value in recognizing what my strengths are - understanding the positives and negatives of those strenghts - and utilizing my strengths in various aspects of my life while working around my weaknesses.

First Blog

Here is my first real venture into the world of blogging. I created a My Space page a few months ago (at the insistence of a friend), and posted a few things there. However, this forum seems a little more "grown up" than My Space. As I sit here talking about being grown up, I am listening to the "Song of Cebu" by the Veggie Tales - that just struck me as funny.

I decided to call it "Finding Kelly" because I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about who I have been, who I am, and who I am becoming. More than finding myself, I really want to discover who God has made me to be. I know some things that I am good at, and I am painfully aware of my weaknesses, but I think that is only the beginning. I'm reading "Captivating" by John & Stassi Eldredge, and that has started to awaken things in my soul that have been buried for many, many years. It has renewed my quest for beauty and redefined what beauty is to me. I used to think I knew exactly what God had "called me to", but now I'm not so sure.

I was recently faced with the question "What is your holy discontentment?" And after some careful thought I said "I don't know!" The idea behind holy discontentment is that whatever you find really upsetting (lack of education, bad music in the church, AIDS, poverty...) may be what God has called you to do something with. For the better part of my life, I would have said that bad music (or lack of understanding worship) was my holy discontentment, but I believe that God is stirring up something new in me. I just don't know what it is yet.