It has been a while

I know, I know... it has been 2 and a half months since I wrote anything. My list of excuses is long and includes computer problems that account for several weeks of my lameness. More honestly though, I have been in a funk and sometimes those "lows" are hard to work through. Thank God for Todd - he like my rock when it feels like my emotions and circumstances beyond my control are swirling all around me.

I consider myself, for the most part, a pretty level headed gal. I'm not one of those women who allows emotions to rule my life. I tend to make decisions based on facts (more like a typical man - and Todd tends to go on feeling, more like a typical woman) and take things in stride. But since a bout with post-partum depression after Cadence (almost 3 years ago) I have become aware of "lows" and "not lows" - sort of like bi-polar, but there aren't really "highs", just normals and lows.

It seems that what is most likely to drive me into a low is feeling like I lack purpose, or realizing that I what I thought was a great vision for my life (or our family) isn't going to pan out. For "Where there is no vision, the people perish." (Prov. 29:18) When I set a course in my mind I throw everything I have into making it happen, and when I begin to feel like all my investments have been in vain I "become demoralized" (NAB translation of perish).

We always thought that Syracuse was not our forever home as much at it was the place we grew up, even though we have never lived anywhere else. And with that in my mind, I felt like I could live with the fact that various other aspects of my life weren't "right" - if we didn't feel like we were at the "right" church, and I haven't found the "right" niche for myself etc.... But now Todd really likes his job, and as we find ourselves with fewer and fewer ties to this god-forsaken city we feel more and more like we belong here. Todd's family has all moved south, in 2 weeks my sister's family moves to PA, and we have very few people in Syracuse who we would count as friends. Yet, now, all of the sudden - it feels like it is where we belong.

So now it seems that I find myself faced with - myself! Needless to say, that is depressing :) Seriously though, I believe that good things are happening. It's just hard for me to process sometimes.

We are in the process of trying to discern what church is the best place for our family, and are leaning heavily towards Missio (currently called Summit Church, but changing soon). I hesitate because I have no idea what kind of roll I will be able to play there - I'll do anything but nursery, and they don't seem like they need me anywhere right now. Todd is playing lead there (that is how we ended up there - Jeremy Cali called and said they needed a guitar player) and the kids seem like to this church better than any other we've been involved in. And there is a very dear family that would account for at least 2 of our friends that have just decided to become a part of the church.

My sister is leaving. My sister is leaving. Did I mention that my sister is leaving? That just makes me sad. I think I'll be making lots of trips to Erie! My kids can't wait to go visit the ranch and meet a real cowboy.

Speaking of my kids, they are all doing great. Sometime in the next 60 days (I hope) Jacob will be one step closer to being all ours! His biological father tells me that his lawyer has the new surrender drawn up - now if he can just sign it and have his lawyer send it my lawyer, we'll be all set. 45 days after it is signed, David's rights to Jacob will be gone, then Todd can adopt him. YEAHHH!!!!